Tentative Panel

This is the list of the tentative panel members that I will have to evaluate my project at the end of the year: Jan Ott, Susan Davis,  Dr. Amy Acosta, Jen Pickering,  and Marcela Gandara.

1. Jan Ott the Environmental Science teacher and she has also agreed to coach me to less self-conscious. She also has experience with singing. She can help me with her coaching abilities and also with the technical side of singing.
2. Susan Davis is my English teacher and also a coach. She has put me in contact with people that can help me move further in the project.
3. Dr. Amy Acosta is a middle school psychologist who helped me figure out the purpose and the steps to carry out an experiment. I think that her professional skills of a psychologist can help me have a better experiment. 
4. Jen Pickering used to be my mentor and she is part of the board of Chinquapin. She can be an outside judge that can look at my project objectively and make a decision of whether I made progress or not.
5. Marcela Gandara is one of the women that inspire my singing. I think that she could be a judge of my signing and determine whether I express the emotion I talk about. She lives in El Paso, Texas.           I also am looking for a signing teacher so if I get one soon that person will probably on my panel of judges. 

Today, I have a better understanding of what I had when I started brainstorming for my senior project. I know that I that I will carry out an experiment that will reinforce the research carried by Joann Deak and many other scientists. Dr. Amy Acosta gave helped me figure why I was really doing the research. The purpose of this experiment is to actually collect qualitative research that will give me an insight as to what girls think and feel from two different economic and racial spectrum's. Girls are girls in any place of the world but they are affected by different influences and that is something that is fact that could become helpful for the further development of teenage girls today. I also know that even though I have progressed in some ways with my research I have been set back with my lack of organization. I see that for the next semester I have to set deadlines and organize my time to work more efficiently and effectively.
During this Winter Break, I must confirm the members of my panel, write a consent form for the participants of my research, figure out a few tentative dates for the experiment, keep on reading the books by Joann Deak, and find a voice teacher. There are many things but if I organize myself then I will be able to accomplish my goals.

The Day Is Approaching Us....

So for the first time in my life,  I along with Chassidy Smith will (with the help of God) sing to a large audience at the Annual Chinquapin Christmas Dinner at the gym. In reality this is not a very exciting moment for me. I am terrified because I know that somehow I will disappoint someone. The problem is that I am already disappointed with myself because of my indecisiveness but mostly my lack strength to adhere to my ideals. I am singing a Christmas song that I have no emotional connection to and that I shouldn't really sing because that would translate to celebrating the holiday. It is awesome that I am going to attempt to sing but I can't feel happy about it. What will everyone think? Will they laugh? Will they think, what is she doing? And even if I do sing OK and people praise me, how will I respond to that when inside I know that I do not feel good about what I did? These are all the feeling that flood into my mind as Thursday, December 16, 2010 approaches.

My Sentence...

I have struggled to have the courage to express the emotions of shyness that have been built up like a concrete wall through the years by signing what my soul has called me to do and mastered my fears.

End of Semester

As the end of the semester is approaching, I am troubled to find the motivation to keep on going. I feel that as my project is being heard more and more I want to hide. If I don't get a voice teacher soon to start strengthening my voice the end of the year performance will not happen.  
I also have not finished my research which is reading Dr. Joann Deak's books. As we were told in a class today, all our class needs to get out of the brainstorming face. I need to get motivated!

Progress

On Thursday, October 23, 2010, I had the great opportunity to meet Dr. Acosta. Dr. Acosta is a middle school psychologist who works in an independent school. I was refereed to her by Ms. Davis and Dr. Acosta agreed help work out project the research aspect of my project.

I was very nervous to meet her. I didn't really know what to expect even though I had exchanged a few e-mails with her. My idea of actually conducting a research project was very simple: I wanted to know how shy girls were but mainly what caused them to become self conscious during puberty. I know its something like chemical and hormones that trigger in the body but all this is very basic compared to all the studies that are out there. I am only a high school senior student who still doesn't know too much about the world. This is actually a very complex idea and subject to even try to decipher. From what I've heard this has been a much studied subject and how could I really make a difference by collecting all this information is the main question? The main problem before I met Dr. Acosta was actually how I would really conduct this research? Even though I had learned how to do experiments before in my science classes this research is different. This experiment actually involves people. "Real World Data" as my environmental teacher Jan Ott would say. 

Dr. Acosta was very excited to meet me and help me in anything that I needed. She received me with a smile and made me feel at ease instantly. I had actually sent her an overview of my project ideas before I met her and Dr. Acosta seemed to have ideas of her own to help me. I needed to find a real structure and know how to conduct this research and she was really helpful. My initial idea was only to ask middle school girls from the Chinquapin School how shy they felt they were and if they felt self-conscious about themselves? This is actually very simple from the larger question I was trying to get at. From hearing my ideas, she concluded that my research was probably going to be a comparative qualitative research in which I not only relied on the answers of middle school girls but also older girls from different environments. She made me see that young girls going to puberty might know that they are shy and self-conscious but they don't necessarily are always willing to admit it or have the ability to actually reflect on the fact that they are going through a stage. Older, high school girls, actually are able to reflect and sometimes willing to admit that they were shy and express feelings because of their level of maturity. This was not the beginning of my project, this was actually secondary. 

First I was to learn all about the subject and formulate a "hypothesis". I was glad to hear that because I was already preparing to formulate by reading Joann Deak's books How Girls Thrive and Girls Will Be Girls. She advised me to write Literary Reviews. I had no idea what that meant but she explained that a Literary Review was a summary/review of sources that scientist wrote to actually formulate their research. Reading this two sources was a good idea but I also had to read other sources to make my research more extensive.  Putting all this sources together was the key to having a good experiment. 

I have so many other interesting things to relate from my meeting with Dr. Acosta but I actually want to leave it at that. I was so happy to talk to Dr. Acosta and I wouldn't have been able to conduct a good experiment without her help.  physiologist

Checking in...

So far I have accomplished many things with the help of my gracious teachers Susan Davis, Jan Ott, and Tim Holm. One of the parts of my project is to research about the physiological aspect or "thing" that triggers girls to change during puberty and as they go into their teen years. I am very interested in getting an insight into all of these aspects because it will open a new world for me. I can learn through the experiments and writings of other why I became so shy. I can not possibly master my fear/shyness if I can not pin down what happened exactly.
Susan Davis, my Senior Seminar teacher, has provided me with two very essential books that will clear up many of my doubts: Girls Will Be Girls and How Girls Thrive by Joann Deak. I have started reading both book and so far I have started to link a lot of her writings with my own life. These books are directed toward a more adult audience (teachers and parents) but I feel really proud to be able to understand.
Ms. Davis has also put me in contact with a the middle physiologist from Kinkaid and I will be meeting her very soon. I hope to gain first hand knowledge as a professional and possibly in the future work along with her to conduct an experiment either at Chinquapin or Kinkaid.
I have also contacted the new math middle school teacher,Tim Holm, in efforts to hopefully get someone to help me develop my voice. I will soon be writing a proposal to see if I get any results.  Mastery of my shyness involves actually developing my voice so I can become confident that there is nothing to be afraid of.

Tamar Alvarenga

Annie Lennox: Why I am an HIV/AIDS activist

This is a Ted Talk given by Annie Lennox about raising awareness about HIV/AIDS.

Although this Ted Talk has nothing to do with my project, I do commend the passion with which Annie Lennox has embarked to raise awareness to the public about AIDS. We tend not to talk about things that bother us for fear of making our wounds bleed. We need to talk about the things that are not particularly appealing. Shyness and having the courage to be ourselves is the wound that hurts for many us. When we are not ourselves we resort to lying to living a double life and become miserable. We need to find ourselves, stand up for what we believe. Lennox talks about this subject because she is passionate about it and the challenge for and for everyone is to do that for themselves.

One of my favorite quotes

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anaïs Nin

Soul Singing "The beginning"

I first started singing at church when I was around six or seven years old. Part of the culture of Christians is to bring an offering of love and of word -- singing is part of that offering. I passed in front of the congregation infinity of times to sing traditional hymns. I invited my father and sister to sing almost all the time. My father was one of those servants of God who praised God every single Saturday. I followed his footsteps until I turned ten. 
I don't really know why singing is something that appeals to me so much and why exactly I'm deciding to sing over anything else. I don't really know if I can't really sing. I can that, I sang but singing is not just having a good voice. What if, I don't have a good voice?  Am I just dreaming? Am I prepared to fail miserably? What would be a failure? How would I handle it? Why am I so afraid to fail? Singing is about projecting a feeling. Sadness. Happiness. Passion. How can you convey all of that? 

Senior Project

This is a little bit about what my project is going to consist of:
What can suddenly make someone feel ashamed or shy away from something they cherish so much? Do the experiences they go through affect them or does puberty have to do anything with it? I loved to sing when I was younger and privately I still do. When I was younger I couldn’t wait to get in front of the church but I can no longer allow myself to do it. For my senior project I will research about the psychological aspect of puberty among elementary and middle school boys and girls and how that transition period affects the development. There is a clear transition that I want to address. At the same time I will challenge myself to master my shyness through practice (actually going to the master singers) and dedication.